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Microsoft financial

Looks like he was right.

Now, far be it from me to defend the actions of this journalist, but I think he was suffering from a problem that lots of us journalists go through. It’s nothing deadly though it can be contagious and in severe cases lead to full blown entitlement fever. Often, journalists, especially tech journalists begin to lose sight of one of the most important aspects of the industry we cover: the value of things

How we should be treated also gets skewed because we don’t always go through the same channels as ‘normal people’ or, as I like to call them ‘readers’ or, in my more unkind moments ‘Muggles’.

Now, I’m not suggesting that this makes pieces like The Telegraph thing blaming Apple for the war, BSE and mortgage payment protection insurance any less despicable, but I think it’s worth pointing out how journalists can be so easily led astray.

Press Trips

Picture the scene: It’s 6am and I am sat at departure gate fifty something getting ready to board a flight to Barcelona to be shown some things by a company that makes things. My flight has been booked for me not to mention paid for and they also stumped up for a meal on the flight, which was an extra cost. My only interaction with this transaction was to request the airport I fly from be somewhere near my house.

On arrival at Barcelona there was a pretty young lady holding a clipboard with the logo of the company that makes things on it and she was there to collect me. She showed me to an air conditioned Mercedes Benz put my bags in the boot and drove me to a hotel. At the hotel I was met by another pretty young lady (please note: patronising tone and terms used only to provide anonymity to said young ladies) she told me where I could get a meal and gave me a packet of papers that listed exactly what was happening where and when. The papers answered any of the questions likely to arise in any event and even if it didn’t there was an instruction not to hesitate to ask should I require any further information.

From here I checked into and was given a key to my room, which was large and very plush. Remember that so far I’ve paid nothing for this and it’s all been booked for me with my preferences (non-smoking, vegetarian, north facing, etc.) taken into account. When I go back to the hotel lobby I’m shown where I can get lunch, I don’t even have to make my own way to the restaurant round the corner, somebody actually takes me there, lest I get lost or lonely on the way.

After lunch the really heavy work begins and I have to sign-in, where I’m given a bag containing branded freebies, pens, notepads, laser presentation thingy, sweets and a flash drive with all the information a boy could need. The presentation begins and, to be fair, I don’t take much notice (I have the free 4GB flash drive remember – yeah, 4GB just for showing up) the presentation comes to an end and I’m escorted for free coffee and pastries of the highest quality.

After that I retire to my room to get changed for dinner. When I return to the lobby I get on a coach and I’m transported to a restaurant. Welcome glass of champagne, meal, drinks, PR people pretending to find me funny and interesting, dessert, coach back to hotel, drinks on the company credit card and then bed.The next day my journey home is a carbon copy of my arrival in reverse. All this cost me was my time and £25 parking at the airport.

Sound like your last trip abroad?

I’m not telling this story merely to brag (well maybe just a little bit) but more of an illustration as to why the journalist’s mind can turn to mush and begin to devalue certain things like thinking for oneself and knowing what to expect in the real world.

Oh, it’s also worth pointing out that as a freelancer this was, basically, an open invitation to make money ’cause I’m going to pitch what I saw you see. Two way street naturally, but if I don’t get any commissions I’ve still only spent £25. Company that makes things has spent considerably more on ‘the off chance’.

Review Kit

This one continues to amaze my parents and friends. I get a press release, ring said company to say I’d like one of those and, God willing, they send it to me. It will cost me nothing, I will not have to pay for the return carriage and I could potentially keep the item for a number of weeks or months before sending it back. Sometimes, I even get to keep the stuff forever. Not as a bribe you understand and never on the condition that I write a review, positive or otherwise, but more likely they just don’t want it back or the PR account changes hands and the kit is forgotten/written off.

I review printers a lot and in most cases they arrive with full ink tanks and a supply of paper, sufficed to say I’ve not bought glossy photo paper for a long while and ink? Well no I’ve not bought much of that either. I know how much it costs, but I rarely have to fork out my own cash to print something out. Perk of the job you might say.

The latest cameras, monitors and other assorted devices make their way though my house at an alarming rate. So much so that it aroused the suspicions of my neighbour who clearly thought I was running some kind of fencing operation. The continuing theme is that I spend nothing on them.

I’ve never spent more than a few moments in PC World considering the purchase of a new printer as it’s pretty much a given that, at most, I’ll be a few weeks without one. In fact, I have two right now sat in their boxes waiting to be collected, so far I’ve had both of them well over two months.

Value proposition

Obviously, these are just a couple of the things that journalists benefit from and there are many more, but it’s things like this that skew and warp our sense of value. £250 for an all-in-one inkjet is incredible value for money when you don’t have to pay that £250. A two year mobile phone contract is draconian and just mean, especially if you didn’t get sent an iPhone to keep for 18 months with the entire cost stumped up by Apple.

Keeping my feet on the ground is something I strive to do all the time but it can be difficult given the circumstances of how journalists are treated. Admittedly, it’s not always like this and there are obvious reasons for the way this all works, but when you read a piece where a journalist has used the space in their publication to complain that they have to pay for stuff or that they dropped into conversation what they do for a living and it changed NOTHING remember that they may have Entitletarditis the only known cure for which is a punch to the face and to chant the following over and over and over: You cunt.

The year has been a bit up and down, it started off poorly and there was a bit of a dry patch in May where I earned the princely sum of £40, but that was, poetically, the bottom from where the only way was up. I’m not quite the millionaire that a career in writing almost certainly guarantees, but I’m alright Jack.

A column in MacFormat keeps my face on the newsstand and is a real pleasure to hand in late each month. I’m also still to be found fairly regularly in MacUser, which is great. My first issue of MacUser was the final issue of volume 18 and this year it jumps to volume 26, this proves nothing other than I’ve aged. My blog on the Pc Pro website attracted some ‘interesting‘ comments too. I have a few other clients, print and web that I can rely upon to pay me within 4 months of publication and transfer any of my rights to them in perpetuity. Not that I mind you understand it’s the nature of the beast. So, really not a bad 2009. I’m certainly not desperately trying to find a proper job, though a few more writing gigs wouldn’t go amiss.

Without making any new year resolutions I’m going to try and be more proactive in 2010 and find some more people willing to let me give my opinion on all manner of technology, but I’m also going to try and write more for the fun of it because after all, it’s what I enjoy most. Well, it’s what I enjoy most after my daughter. She’s fantastic and who would have thought that of all the babies born in the last 19 months we’d have ended up with the most beautiful, intelligent and amazing one?

The Gartner Magic Quadrant positions vendors based on their “ability to execute” and their “completness of vision.”

Erm. Ok well done. I think.

It was an odd day as it began with a ‘discussion’ with UPS about how it might be a good idea to revisit their policy of issuing a tracking number and address label *before* a collection is officially ‘booked’. Silly me why would I think that armed with both I still wouldn’t actually be having a collection today.

I also realised the word count for Professional Windows Solutions’ Vista networking special issue was short by ooh 1500 words. Not much in the grand scheme of things if you know a great deal about Vista networking. Alas I’ve just about exhausted my knowledge on the subject so I’m going to have to y’know learn it or steal it. I think I may have to steal.

It snowed and we got sent home early, which turned out to be a blessing as it took me an hour and forty five minutes to make it the 26 miles or so. In my drive to be more Web 1.45 I made a video of it that you can watch here, now, aren’t you lucky.

Honestly, if you have a minute of your life to waste pointlessly here’s a video I ‘nearly’ made with iMovie until I took the rational decision to scrap that idea and use ‘old iMovie’. Can you imagine just how bad ‘new improved iMovie’ is if something this simple is made so difficult that you scrap the project half way and revert to software that’s coming up on two years out of date. I ask you. The only thing I used it for was the You Tube export.

I’m sure that when you went to school standards were much higher and you were taught properly unlike everyone that works for me (and me), especially as we missed those ‘its’ and screwed up the style for Windows iterations. Try to keep in mind, however, that not everyone who works for the publication is the same age and some of them might even have gone to school at the same time as you. In the Kevin Kegaan sense I’d love it if we could print an issue with no errors or misprints but sadly, like Newcastle Utd. that year I think we fall short – not by much and certainly not through lack of effort.

Read the 11th April issue of MacUser, specifically page 23. In the bottom corner is a question: What frustrates you? The answer?

People that assume that my work takes no time at all and is somehow easy.

It takes time, it’s not easy, like every job if you’re not the one doing it you might not be able to judge just how difficult it is.

P.S. Your letter had three mistakes too, sadly the customer services manager won’t allow me to write back and let you know that. And no I’m not going to sack the proof reader he’s shit hot and there’d be more for you to complain about were he not doing such a fantastic job. Dullard.

* Mistakes on this blog don’t count because I didn’t get a proper education and there’s no staff to spot my crappy grammar.

Here Here And about ten threads an hour in here

For the journalist it’s a win win situation. They can bitch, whine and moan about PRs, bemoan their bad practice and highlight failings that have caused the journalist pain and misery. Sadly, for the poor PR person at least, they can hardly have a go back. I’m against PR bashing. I’d go so far as to say I hate it. there’s just something so grimy and slimy about the whole thing. There’s been a series of interviews with journalists on the Getting Ink recently and there’s one question in the pile that really gets on my wick.

When did a PR person last annoy you?

The responses:

Today. ie Everyday

When they commissioned me to ghost write an article and I was paid late. Being paid late is the bane of any freelance’s life and I hate it.

Yesterday when, after promising me a senior interview for two weeks, they didn’t deliver and confirmed it wouldn’t be possible. I mean, if something’s impossible it’s impossible, but don’t over-promise, just tell me it’s a possibility rather than a certainty before I go pitching it!

I got a round robin email yesterday that I think I was supposed to believe was crafted just for me and it heralded the results of a latest survey – sadly, I couldn’t understand a word of it.

To be fair The Getting Ink people run a doing better at PR and journalism company so highlighting bad practice by way of learning is going to be part of their content but it’s the tone of the answers I can’t get on board with. First we have the snippy ‘everyday’ comment, just plain balls If a PR person annoys you everyday of your working life then you’re either a grumpy curmudgeon or aren’t very good at getting your needs across. It’s hardly a very constructive answer either is it? Her response to the next question ‘When did you last annoy a PR person?’ was the same so maybe she was being flippant. Second I think that’s the accounts department that’s annoying there. Third a legitimate and constructive criticism, lovely. Finally, why would you let yourself be annoyed by this? Just ignore it your blood pressure will be much lower if you let shit press releases pass you by. Who loses out? Not you. I think the thing to remember here is that a crap badly worded and spelt press release to someone might be a nice long feature for someone else. If a journalist can think of a piece worth writing from the information within a release I’ll wager they won’t give two shoves of a donkeys arse that the title is oddly capitalised and that the PR doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re.
So, inspired by recent goings on here’s my open letter to PR people:

Dear people of the PR industry,

From this day forward I promise never to ever call you PRs and lump you altogether in one hive mind collective. I’ll respect you as individuals and treat you as such at all times and never refer to you as if you were some mindless entity. If one PR person from one agency is crap I won’t use that as a barometer for your whole proffession. I’m still going to call you bunnies though.

When you send me a release that has nothing to do with any of the publications I work for I’ll simply ignore it I’ll not waste time posting it to my website to complain about how someone has wasted my time by sending me this stupid press release. If you call me and I don’t have the time to speak to you I will, in an adult manner, tell you. I’ll be so grown up that I’ll say ‘sorry I’m too busy right now can you call back another time’ I will not then spend twenty minutes writing a blog entry about how annoying being interrupted on press day is.

If you don’t send me something I really want I’ll work harder to get it. I realise you’ve got clients that want coverage so I’ll understand that sometimes you have to be sure you have someone who’s really interested in the kit, who will put it in their publication, before you send it. If you don’t send it I promise not to hold it against you personally and refuse to take anything else. After all it’s you and your clients loss not mine. When you do send me some kit when I send it back I’ll make sure that everything that was in box you sent me makes it back to you. I’ll not swipe the memory card from the camera or keep hold of the USB cable for myself. I’ll even remember to put the instructions back in the box. I’ll even make sure it’s clearly labelled and packaged so that it’s less likely to get ‘lost’ on the way back to you.

When you take me on lovely trips to foreign countries I promise to go to all the press conferences and sessions you have planned. I can’t promise I’ll be taking as much notice as you’d like. Or for that matter even be listening (it’s all in the handouts anyway isn’t it?) but I’ll be there. In addition when we arrive, depart, land and transfer I will always be where you expect me to be. I’ll not go wondering off leaving everyone else inconvenienced as you have to scour the airport terminal worrying about where I might have gone. I’ll even try harder to like the ridiculous games you try and make me play.

When you do your job I’ll not make a song and dance about how good it is and when you don’t quite meet my expectations I’ll simply redouble my efforts or, if needs be, give up and move on to someone else’s product. Also, I’ll say thank you more often, and mean it, when you help me out. I realise you’re not my personal PA there to sort out my problems for me. All I expect of you in return is, well, nothing.

Ta

Chris